Creativity and Parenting

Hi there

The school summer holidays have been and gone, as much as I love my daughter, I have been itching to do my Foxy Lady Creations stuff. However, now she has gone back to school its not that straight forward, I am not raring to go anymore, my head is all scrambled wondering where to start off again. maybe I just need a few days to adjust to having my own space again.
(eeh, you can't win with some folk can you?)

picture of a stressed out mum

 I was hoping my daughter would do an activity club a couple of days a week during the holidays, so she would be completely entertained, and I could keep up the momentum of my business, but unfortunately she didn't like it, so I stopped taking her.

So during the last couple of weeks I have been getting tetchy. I have been in this head space before, and its not good, I don't believe in wishing time away, but my brain was turning into a blob and I wanted the holidays to end.
However, something positive during the last couple of weeks occurred, we converted a room in our boat so I can have a better working space, so this spurred me on. It was hard labour, and my other half did an amazing job of designing it, and gave up his holidays to do it.
During this time, I read a post by a lady in a Facebook group I am a member of, she sounded desperate, worrying that she had got "creative paralysis". As I read the post, I could feel her pain, as I was there once myself, and fortunately came through the other side. I had a period of time that I had lost my confidence so much that I thought I would never return to my former self, as a designer/dressmaker, or make people laugh again, I was so serious and distracted with my baby I even thought I'd lost my sense of humour (#1stWorldProblem).

The woman in question, was lucky enough to be able to create herself a sewing room (I had the added stress of small space living), she had lots of fabrics, and many ideas (I know this feeling too well), but felt very overwhelmed by it all, she also adds, that she has a toddler (here lieth the problem me thinks).

When you are a creative person, you need head space, to explore and follow through your ideas, which is difficult when you have a busy growing human that needs you care and attention. Many people these days live away from there immediate family, and other friends are working, so the childcare is 24/7. Often with no time or thoughts for yourself. In hindsight, I think this had a big effect on me. I chose to be a stay at home parent, I wouldn't have it any other way, but the reality is, it can be tough.
I was an older first time mum, and had spent my previous years gaining qualifications and building a career (in amongst lots of partying), I was a free spirit with a mission.
My plan was, to have my baby, care for her and nurture her, then by the time she was about 2 I thought I would be able to start my own fashion business again. Wrong!
A child of 2 years old, is harder work than a new born, they are into everything, need entertaining and moving constantly from anything that may be harmful, to them. I think I found it hard to have a life without plans, and having to take each day as it comes, as you should with a child.
I can't remember the day I started sewing again with a child, but I do remember it was a difficult process for me. Living in the confinement of a small space made it more difficult at times, but I also had situations where i just couldn't barely thread a needle. I found it very tiring having a baby at 38, and right up until she dropped her day time sleep at 2 and a half, I would generally join her for the afternoon nap.
Clearly I didn't do this all the time, as I managed to make a few things during this period (mostly baby related stuff) but I do remember feeling that my my head was cross wired. Even the more basic techniques I struggled with at times. partly I think because I was on edge, worrying that I would wake her with my machine, and wouldn't be able to complete what I had started. I dreamed of having my own sewing room, so I could perhaps leave unfinished things, and close the door on it, even close myself in sometimes (if she was being looked after). Having a small space meant I would have to tidy everything away, and then get it all out again another day. What a ball ache this was.

Pram liner and nappy bag

Mias 1st memory quilt

I went through periods of sewing, then not sewing. Sometimes I was given inspiring fabrics, which made me get my machine out again, and I could get back into it. At some point I bought a new machine, which made all the difference to my practice. As time went on, I would organise and re-organise my 'dining' room, which was (is) my sewing space, and I would also get more time to myself, as she went to pre-school, and then nursery. By the time she started school full time i was raring to go, with a business plan, and lots of ideas and energy, I was determined that I could get back to working (for myself) during school hours, and make a go of it.
My mum will recall me one January saying 'This is going to be MY year'. I had done a year planner, something I hadn't done since pre-child, holidays, events, fairs etc, all colour coded with high lighter pens, it looked great on paper. I thought I had my brain back and my focus finally, and I was going to launch Foxy Lady Creations properly.
By Easter I was a mess, I got to a stage where I would stare out the window, blankly, as my thoughts were exhausted. I had only been out a few days previous with a  bag of my clothes round Hungerford to see if any of the boutiques would sell my goods. I couldn't make a simple decision about life, like 'what shall i cook for dinner'. It was obvious I wasn't well, I had been trying too hard, making myself busy, trying to be too many things at one time, mum, boater, activist, designer, business woman and more. I had about 5 different note books with things to do, and still I couldn't focus, too many lists, too little direction.
Fortunately for me, I have an understanding partner, and he would listen to me and we decided I should go to the doctor. I had anxiety and depression and was recommended medication, which i point blank refused. to cut  long story short, I didn't get better with talking therapies (when I did get to see them) I had to return to the doctors, and get medication. The chemicals in my brain needed help to reach the right serotonin levels.
During my time of recovery, I slept a lot, was 'kind' to myself, and got into meditation and Pilates. It got to the point where nothing else mattered but me getting well, looking after Mia, and maintaining my relationship.
At some point, I wanted to sew again, and decided i would give myself a break, and just have some fun, like when i was at college. I did some tie - dying, batik and patchwork. I finally made a patchwork quilt for us, that I had planned to do for years. Richard had not long painted out boat, and I made matching coloured curtains, and used left overs for the quilt. I made my surrounding what I wanted them to be, bright, colourful, fun and funky. It was so satisfying, and would inspire me on a daily basis, reminding me that 'I can' do this, I am talented and can be creative.

Foxy Lady quilt

Olive green and yellow reclaimed vintage / retro curtains

So onward and upward, Foxy Lady has been re-branded, and I have taught myself how to do social media marketing, I am still working on this now, and I am enjoying it, I have many products to sell, and need the space to make more.
So to the lady that wrote the post in desperation, hopefully you will have an easier time than I had. Start small and simple with your creations, make things that are a quick fix, e.g a pair of cushions, be proud of what you have achieved. Don't feel bad if at times you let your child watch some TV so you can do some sewing, your health (mental) is just as important as theirs. Its not selfish, its being sensible. I would also try and include my daughter with my sewing e.g giving her ribbons or buttons to play with, but that play never lasted very long. Also, I would do menial tasks in the day, like sorting fabrics, and pressing, then leave more technical things till the evening to do when I had more brain space (although this would be limited to summer only due to the poor lighting in my sewing space).
My advice to anyone that is in this position, is do some meditation if you are feeling over whelmed, its surprising how focused you can feel afterwards. I know its not easy with a little one around, but it won't be long before they are at nursery or school, and you can have some balance back to your life. I hope this helps you x

Watch a candle flicker for 5 minutes meditiation